7. The Wedding Ceremony

All weddings have some sort of process, which is standard to a high degree.  In other words, whether the wedding is small or large, elaborate or simple or indoors or outdoors, there is a beginning, middle and an end. Understanding the process will help calm nerves and allow things to run seamlessly.

This post will walk you through the process of what you can expect for a traditional wedding. Keep in mind that your specific wedding might vary somewhat but this information will at least provide you with a foundation on which to build.

7.1 Program

The purpose of the program is to provide the guests with what is known as “The Order Of Worship”. Within the program, the guests will see listed each aspect of the wedding. This would include the names of musicians, ushers, minister, reader, guest book attendant, wedding party and so on.  Additionally, the program will provide the outline of everything that will happen and in what order.

You might choose the program at the same time you decide on the invitations although this is not necessary. For formal weddings, the program could be designed with white or off-white parchment paper while for an informal wedding, a simpler paper with pastel colours or colours that co-ordinate with the wedding would be a great choice.

Another option that works quite well if you are creative is to make your own programs. With the right software program and good, quality paper, beautiful designs can be made, usually looking just like those made by professionals.  To complete the look of the program, holes can be punched on one side or on the top where a ribbon would be wound through. Additionally, faux pearls or lace around the edge could be attached with hot glue.

To create programs with a personal touch, a copy of your engagement photograph can be added to the front or a poem specially written for the parents and placed on the inside cover. Finally, the size of the program can vary, ranging from a larger size with several pages to a simple design that only has a front and back.

Probably the most important thing with the program is to ensure the spelling of everyone’s name is correct. To some people, this might not seem like a big deal but to the person whose name is misspelled, it can be.

7.1.1 Scrolls

The design for the program can be whatever you like but one particular style that is very popular and fun to make is the scrolled program. To create scrolled programs, you can gather the rest of the bridal party along with the mothers, grandmothers and other close family members and friends, making this a fun project.

Made from a single piece of paper, the goal is to have it look aged and as though coming from the Roman Empire era. To make scroll programs, cream or ecru paper could be purchased at a local stationary or hobby store. Other items needed for this project include:

• Computer.
• Laser printer.
• Bowl of water.
• Wooden sticks (the same width as the paper).
• Glue.
• Ribbon.
• Teabags.

With the computer, a program such as MS Word, WordPerfect or PowerPoint could be used for the printing. Using 8 x 11-inch paper, about two inches from the top, the name of the bride would be listed followed by the groom’s parents. Next, the bride’s parents name and the groom’s name would be listed, which would then be followed by the names of the wedding party and the musicians, guest book attendant, reader, minister, candle lighters and so on.

After the names would be the date, time and location of the wedding. If preferred, a Bible verse, famous quote or poem could be placed at the very bottom, again leaving two inches of blank space. Information regarding the reception (time, place and directions) would be best on a separate piece of paper rolled up in the scroll program.

For interest, the font size would be adjusted to accommodate all the information. The good thing is that you do not have to be a professional graphic artist to make these scrolls. When the page looks right, the file would be saved and one copy printed to confirm the spelling and look before all of the programs are printed.

If there is a laser printer handy, then all of the copies could be run off on the paper but if not, the saved file could be taken to a printer such as Officeworks to be run off on a laser printer. The reason you should use a laser printer instead of an ink jet type is that should the paper be moist and even from being rolled up, the programs printed with an ink jet can smear. Additionally, if 150 guests will be invited, then 175 copies should be printed – just in case.

After all of the scrolls have been printed, the family members and friends can begin rolling them up like a scroll with the print on the inside. Now, taking the bowl of water, add two teabags and allow the water to change to an amber colour. The teabags are then removed and the scrolls are dipped into the water for about 10 to 30 seconds.

For a clean look, the scrolls would not be crinkled but for a deeper, more dramatic look, the paper could be slightly crinkled prior to rolling and then dipped into the water. The paper should not be soaked, just dipped and tapped to remove any excess water. They are then laid on a paper towel and allowed to dry, approximately 30 to 40 minutes.

While the drying process is taking place, everyone can enjoy a cool margarita or glass of ice tea. Once completely dry, a line of glue will be placed along the top of the program on the side of the printing. Taking a piece of round wood the same width as the scroll, place it onto the glue.

Then, the scroll will be rolled down just enough to cover the wood one time around, using more glue if needed. The same process would be done to the bottom of the scroll. The glue will also need to dry thoroughly and when done the program would be rolled up halfway from the bottom and half-way down from the top so the two wooden sticks meet in the middle, thus creating the look of a scroll.

To complete the programs, a ribbon matching the wedding colours would be wrapped around the entire program and tied neatly into a bow. The result will be amazing – an aged program that lends a romantic touch to the wedding.

7.2 Ceremony Structure

Again, regardless of how formal or informal your traditional wedding, the structure is much the same. Knowing each of these aspects will help you plan your wedding or at least understand it more if you are using the services of a wedding co-ordinator.

7.2.1 “Opening” Or “Invocation”

Before you and the entire wedding party make their way down the aisle, the minister will offer the Opening, also called the Invocation. During this time, you and your future spouse’s name will be mentioned and the guests will be thanked for participating in the occasion. At this time, the minister will usually offer a prayer over you and the wedding ceremony.

7.2.2 Processional

During the processional, the wedding party will make their way down the aisle. The processional will usually begin with the bridesmaids followed by the maid of honour and then flower girl and ring bearer although you might want something different.

For example, there are two options regarding the groomsmen and best man.  The first is where the groomsmen escort the bridesmaids and the best man escorts the maid of honour. The second is where the bridal party walks alone as mentioned above and the groomsmen and best man are already standing at the front.

Once the bridesmaids and maid of honour reach the front, each is greeted by a specific groomsman and the best man. At that point, the bridesmaids and maid of honour stand on the left side with the bride and the groomsmen and best man stand to the right along with the groom.

The last person to come down the aisle is you, the bride. You will follow the flower girl and ring bearer, walking down the pathway of fresh flowers and then joined in the front by your groom. Once everyone is at the front of the church, the actual ceremony will begin.

7.2.3 Body

This portion of the wedding ceremony consists of a short message given by the minister. Typically, he or she will talk about the institution of marriage and the level of commitment it takes to become husband and wife. If you have decided for a poem or scripture to be read by a close family member or friend, it would be done at this time.

7.2.3.1 Unity Candle

The nice thing about the lighting of the unity candle is that it can be incorporated into any type of wedding and it has a strong symbolism. This part of the wedding symbolises two individual’s lives coming together as one. The process for this event includes the following:

• Prior to the start of the wedding, the unity candle is placed at the front of the church along with two unlit taper candles, placed on either side.
• As you approach the candles, the bride will lift the first taper candle from it’s holder, followed by the groom.
• Together, you will use the flames of the taper candles to light the unity candle simultaneously, signifying that the two of you have merged.
• Once the unity candle is burning, the taper candles are extinguished.  This too has significance in that each of you has agreed the old life of being single is now the past and together, you will live on as one.

Although the above is the traditional process for lighting the unity candle, this particular aspect of the wedding has evolved over the years to accommodate blended families. In this situation, there would be additional taper candles, one for each of the children being brought into the marriage.  Again, the bride and groom would remove the lit taper candles, lighting the candles of the children. Then, as a family, the unity candle would be lit.

No matter which option of the unity candle you choose, many times, a favourite song will be played or sung during the lighting ceremony. This provides a little time to get the candle lit and to gaze into each other’s eyes.

7.2.3.2 Vows

Obviously, of all the aspects of the wedding, the vows are the most important. This moment is when you will share words of passion, spoken from the heart. While standard vows can be used, you might prefer to write your own vows. Regardless, the goal is to tell each other how you feel while standing in front of family and friends.

After the unity candle has been lit, the minister will ask you if you are joining lives at your own will. When this is done, the guests will be asked, “If anyone has just cause why these two individuals should not be wed – speak now or forever hold your peace.”

If you like, this question can be removed but if you want a truly traditional wedding, then it would remain as a part of the ceremony. When no one speaks up, you will be led through the vows.

For the actual wedding vows, as the words are spoken by the minister, you will repeat, “I do” and “I will” when prompted. These words are not just endearing but are also legally binding. Therefore, rather than viewing the vows as merely words to complete the formality, you need to remember that they are powerful and official words.

7.2.3.3 Reading

Although you might not choose to have a reading at your wedding, you should at least think about it in that it creates a very special moment during the ceremony. This tradition usually includes the reading of two or three scriptures, often being encouraged by the minister.

The Bible is full of wonderful verses that focus on love, commitment and all the aspects valued in a marriage. Just a few of the most popular scriptures include the following:

• I Corinthians 13:4-8 – “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and ensures all things. Love never ends.”
• Colossians 3:12-16 – “You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for His own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against another, just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity.  The peace that Christ gives is to guide you in the decisions you make, for it is to this peace that God has called you together in the one body. And be thankful. Christ’s message in all it’s richness must live in your hearts”.
• Song of Solomon 8:6-7 – “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters can not quench love, neither can the floods drown in it; if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would be utterly contemned.”

Readings can also be poetic if preferred. Taking already written poems or choosing to write your own, using poetry creates a very romantic setting.

7.2.4 Closing

Once the vows are finalised, the minister will then exercise his or her legal rights, announcing you as husband and wife. At this point, you are now officially married and will be asked to kiss, sealing the marriage. As a newly married couple, you will be introduced to the guests at which time a final song is sung or piece of music played or a closing prayer is offered.

7.2.5 Recessional

If music, a prayer or a scripture is chosen, it will be offered after you have been officially married. Typically, you would wait at the front of the church, facing the guests, while this closing is performed. When complete, you would then make your way to the back of the church followed by the best man and maid of honour and then the groomsmen and bridesmaids, as they help the flower girl and ring bearer.

The receiving line is then formed where you and your entire wedding party will personally greet each guest, offering hugs and thanking each for attending the wedding. Once all the guests have gone through the line, if photographs have not yet been taken, you and the wedding party will go back into the church to have the photographs done while the guests make their way to the location of the reception. Until you join them after the photographs, they will begin eating and mingling. Finally, you will be announced and enter the reception where you join in on the festivities.

7.3 Church

When choosing the wedding church, you will discover that you have many different things to consider beyond just the building. First, if you have chosen a specific church, you need to determine if you can use the services of your own minister or if you would be required to use the minister that officiates at that particular church.

As you will see from the information below, good planning and follow through is crucial when it comes to the church.

• Who will be available to unlock the church doors for the rehearsal and what time will this person be available?
• On the actual wedding day, how early can you arrive? (For a smaller wedding 30 minutes will usually suffice while for a larger, more elaborate wedding, the couple would need about an hour or two).
• What does the price of the church include? (Typically, the minister will only require a donation fee agreed on by him or her and you).
• Does the church have facilities connected where the reception could be held?
• Does the church offer a package for the reception and if so, who would you co-ordinate things with?
• For catering, do children count in the overall number of guests or are they free or discounted?
• What is the age cutoff for children regarding catering?
• How is payment for the ceremony and reception handled? (The standard is that you would provide a 50% deposit with the remainder paid at or after the ceremony and reception).
• Will the deposit paid be used toward the cost of the church and/or reception and is it refundable should something change?
• What is the last day final payment can be made?

If you do not attend a regular church for services, the internet, local yellow pages or even a reference from another church of the same faith are excellent resources. The key is finding one toward the beginning of the planning, especially if a summer wedding is being planned.

Additionally, you will need to get these and all other aspects of the wedding and reception in writing. Make sure you always ask tons of questions, ensuring there are no misunderstandings.

7.3.1 Decorations

Creating an elegant wedding does not have to be expensive. With some creativity, this can be accomplished on just about any budget. The key is to start looking for bargains, as soon as you know you will be getting married.  This means keeping your eyes open at garage sales, overstock stores, thrift stores, retail stores and so on.

As an example, dollar stores are very popular across the country and during holiday time, they often sell gold and silver ornaments, ribbon, garland and other festive items. Again, using a little bit of creativity, these things can be turned into decorations for the wedding and/or reception.

For a fall wedding, you will find all types of seasonal items that would make beautiful centerpieces, decorations for the end of the pews and arrangements at the front of the church. For a Christmas wedding, the ornaments can be added to a tall, glass tube, which is then set down among holiday ribbon or flowers. The result is a gorgeous centrepiece that cost next to nothing.

Craft and hobby stores are great resources since many things can be found on sale. For instance, ribbon, faux pearls, beads, flowers, paper and all types of items can be purchased at huge savings. Additionally, fresh flowers can be purchased through manufacturers, saving tons of money. Even silk flowers can be found at end-of-year closeout sales or overstock sales.

In other words, as the planning stage begins, start thinking outside the box, looking for creative ways to save money by using items easily found. With the savings, a more elaborate honeymoon can be planned or the extra money can be put into savings for after the wedding to help you as you begin your new life together.