2. Becoming Engaged

Posted on 24 September 2010 by admin

2. Becoming Engaged

In life, there are certain events that are considered major milestones – new chapters. Some of these include turning 16, falling in love and graduating from university. Another important milestone is falling in love and then making the choice to become engaged, which ultimately leads to marriage and for some, a family.

Although the actual wedding may not be set for an entire year or longer, the engagement is a serious and incredible time of celebration. This commitment is one that most couples look forward to, knowing they will spend the rest of their lives with the one person they love and adore.

If you prefer a more traditional approach to engagement and marriage, then some of the responsibilities would include things such as asking the bride’s father for her hand in marriage and the groom-to-be shopping for the engagement ring alone. However, if you are looking to take a more contemporary approach, then together, you might choose to shop for the engagement ring and make all the plans. Regardless of which direction you decide on, the future groom is just waiting to hear that cherished word, “YES” to his all-important question of, “Will you marry me?”

From the information below, you will see that the proposal can be done just about any way you like, meaning there is really no wrong or right way.

2.1 Traditional

More and more couples today are going back to the basics of marriage, searching for an approach that is very romantic and respectful. If you were planning a traditional engagement and marriage, the following process would apply. Now keep in mind that these are just recommendations and that you can incorporate your own creativity in any way you like.

2.1.1 Asking Permission

2.1.1.1 The future groom would ask the future bride’s father’s permission to marry her.

2.1.1.2 If her father were no longer living and there is a stepfather with whom the future bride is close, then he would be asked for permission.

2.1.1.3 If there were no stepfather, then it would be appropriate for the future bride’s mother to be asked.

2.1.1.4 If no parents are living but the future bride has other close relatives such as grandparents or an aunt or uncle, then asking them would be appropriate.

2.1.2 Engagement Ring

Again, the traditional method would be for the future groom to purchase the engagement ring, presenting it to his sweetheart at the time the proposal is made. When choosing a ring, chances are that you and your significant other have discussed or looked at rings at one time or another. This should provide you with good ideas on what she likes.

If not, then you can gain important clues by looking at the type of jewellery your girlfriend typically wears. Additionally, consider her physical build, style of clothing and even her occupation. While the market is flooded with thousands of gorgeous designs, the simple guideline below provides some options:

Simple – She prefers simple jewellery, wears casual clothing and has a laidback personality. In this case, a nice solitaire with a thin band would be ideal.
Unique – She prefers more ornate and unique pieces of jewellery, loves trendy clothing and has a fun and outgoing personality. A vintage or customised engagement ring would be a good consideration.
Conservative – She prefers beautiful jewellery but nothing flashy, works in the business world and tends to be more on the conservative side. An antique or wide-band engagement ring with a diamond or coloured stone would be a good choice.
Tall Or Large – Because she is a larger built woman, she can carry larger jewellery better than a woman of small stature could. Therefore, a large solitaire or a multi-stone band with or without a solitaire would be gorgeous.

If you are apprehensive in making the right decision, you can always talk to your girlfriend’s mother, sister or best friend and have them do a little sleuthing for you.

Another consideration is the size of the engagement ring that will be purchased. While rings can be resized if needed, the best option would be to know as much as you can so that as you slip the ring on your girlfriend’s hand, it will fit perfectly, meaning she can wear it immediately. To determine her size, the right opportunity needs to be presented.

For example, if she wears a ring on her wedding ring finger, when she removes it to shower, go swimming or fix dinner, then you can take a thin strip of paper and wrap around the interior of the ring. Tearing the paper to the size of the marking with a pen, you can then take it to a jeweller that can then help select the appropriate size. If she does not wear a ring on that finger, then again, the mother, sister or friend would be the right people to help.

2.1.3 Proposal

The proposal is by far the most exciting but also most stressful time of all. Typically, when planning a traditional proposal, as the future groom, you want everything to be perfect. The key is to choose something unexpected, creating a romantic moment. Depending on where the two of you live, the options will vary. However, the following are a few suggestions regarding location for the proposal.

An important note is that when choosing a “true” traditional wedding proposal, you want to get down on one knee as you ask for your sweetheart’s hand in marriage.

A late afternoon gondola ride.
The location where the two of you first met.
The restaurant where you had your first date.
Dining by candlelight on the steps of the local museum.
While having a picnic in a botanical garden.

2.2 Contemporary

Some couples still prefer to be a bit more liberated and flexible when it comes to an engagement, which is perfectly fine. If this is more your style, again, when it comes to an engagement, there is no wrong or right, merely what is more appropriate for the two of you and the relationship you share.

2.2.1 Asking Permission

Asking the father or other family member permission to marry their daughter/step-daughter or grand-daughter/niece as outlined above is something that many men still do, even if the rest of the engagement is modern. Although this aspect of the proposal is not required, it certainly adds a factor of romance.

2.2.2 Engagement Ring

The style choices would remain much the same, as what you would have for a traditional engagement but in this case, your girlfriend would go with you to choose the ring. This does have some advantages in that the sleuthing element is eliminated and she does have more of a say in the exact design chosen.

You may even find that she simply provides you with a picture of what she likes and then you do the actual shopping. Although she will have an idea of what the ring will be like, there is still a small element of surprise.

2.2.3 Proposal

With a contemporary engagement, your girlfriend will know that the big question is coming. In fact, you and she have probably talked in depth about marriage so in this case, there are no surprises. However, even though she might have an idea of what is coming, you can always have a bit of fun, incorporating the unexpected. The following suggestions are just a few that you might consider:

At a major sporting event with the question flashed across the big screen or flown overhead on a banner.
On Christmas Eve while opening presents.
At her parents’ home after dinner.
During intermission at a romantic comedy.